Forgiveness. Entry Four

This entry covers pages 154-194

In this small section I've just read I can say that the only thing that R is missing is to forgive him self. He has now "overcome" the zombie state, he is more aware of what he does, says and how he reacts to certain situations and in light of that, he is now able to feel guilt and that's what it's consuming him inside-out. "No sleep for the innocent. Not for you. Did you forget? You have blood on your hands. On your lips. On your teeth. Smile for the cameras"
    He feels guilty for killing/eating Perry and all of the others, for being one small pice of the giagant monster that have cause Julie so much pain, for being what he is. It's time to let go of all of that, everyone has forgive him already. Can he do it also?
   "Is it too late for me? Can I somehow snatch another chance from the skymouth's grinding teeth? I want a new past, new memories, a new first handshake with love. I want to start over, in every possible way"
     Since R ate Perry's brain, he had had this kind of dreams or visions about Perry's life memories, but they are not just memories. Perry's soul is also there, what's left of his essence is now mixing and filling the blank spaces of R's existence, talking to him, showing him what he need to see to take the next step and don't make the same mistakes Perry once did.
   "-What am I missing- I ask
    - How about a strategy? We're wandering around this city like a kitten an a dog kennel. you keep talking about changing the world, but you're sitting here licking your paws while all the pit bulls circle in on us. What's the plan, pussycat?"
  This is not what you might say a big entry, but there's basically no movement in this pages. It's the calm before the storm. The moment when our heroes question them selves and if it's worth it, if they are worth it. We might never see whats going on inside Julie's or M's head, but sure is not much different from what R is struggling with. Sure, they are grieving different people, their memories or (in the zombie case), the lack of them. Everyone is having a inner fight while the pieces are placed and the match beggins. Any way, as static or boring as this section may sound is the most difficult one. This is the moment when they give the next step into an uncertain future, or they give up: just as Perry did. It's the moment when they have to forgive and forget. To live behind them what's drawing them back.
     "My hands hang limb at my sides - I'm sorry- I say.

"Help...exhume?". Entry Three

This entry covers pages 102-154

Step two. Taking.

We have all heard the expression "if you want it, you can have it", but that's not true. Of course we might want or wish from all heart to enter Harvard, to fall in love, to become millionaire but if we don't do anything to achieve this dream, we will not come not even near to it. We have to take it.

   For a short moment in the book, Julie lives R behind. She is going home; never the less R is not ready to say good bye. I think that for R, living Julie behind means also to leave his opportunity to re-emerge from the death behind, and now that things are changing not only for him but for "M" also  (his best friend) and even more zombies, that's not a choice. He is going after her, and everything that she means.

 "...and we'll see what happens when we say yes while this rigor mortis world screams no"(pg 113)