In this small section I've just read I can say that the only thing that R is missing is to forgive him self. He has now "overcome" the zombie state, he is more aware of what he does, says and how he reacts to certain situations and in light of that, he is now able to feel guilt and that's what it's consuming him inside-out. "No sleep for the innocent. Not for you. Did you forget? You have blood on your hands. On your lips. On your teeth. Smile for the cameras"
He feels guilty for killing/eating Perry and all of the others, for being one small pice of the giagant monster that have cause Julie so much pain, for being what he is. It's time to let go of all of that, everyone has forgive him already. Can he do it also?
"Is it too late for me? Can I somehow snatch another chance from the skymouth's grinding teeth? I want a new past, new memories, a new first handshake with love. I want to start over, in every possible way"
Since R ate Perry's brain, he had had this kind of dreams or visions about Perry's life memories, but they are not just memories. Perry's soul is also there, what's left of his essence is now mixing and filling the blank spaces of R's existence, talking to him, showing him what he need to see to take the next step and don't make the same mistakes Perry once did.
"-What am I missing- I ask
- How about a strategy? We're wandering around this city like a kitten an a dog kennel. you keep talking about changing the world, but you're sitting here licking your paws while all the pit bulls circle in on us. What's the plan, pussycat?"
This is not what you might say a big entry, but there's basically no movement in this pages. It's the calm before the storm. The moment when our heroes question them selves and if it's worth it, if they are worth it. We might never see whats going on inside Julie's or M's head, but sure is not much different from what R is struggling with. Sure, they are grieving different people, their memories or (in the zombie case), the lack of them. Everyone is having a inner fight while the pieces are placed and the match beggins. Any way, as static or boring as this section may sound is the most difficult one. This is the moment when they give the next step into an uncertain future, or they give up: just as Perry did. It's the moment when they have to forgive and forget. To live behind them what's drawing them back.
"My hands hang limb at my sides - I'm sorry- I say.
With her eyes closed, her voice muffled by my shirt, she says - I forgive you.-
I raise a hand and touch her straw-gold hair - Thank you.-
These three phrases, so simple, so primal, have never sounded so complete. So true to their basic meanings"
Finally:
As amazing as it sounds, I can relate to all of this. Everyone can. We have all feel guilt or remorse, we have all fight against it, searching for external and internal forgiveness. We have all taken a part of every person that crosses in our way and make it of our own, to complete what's missing, to ask ourselves: what would he/she do in this situation? This is why I have loved this book since the beginning. I can take so much from this pages and apply it to my life and also to compare to. If I didn't consider such a sin to write notes inside books (besides the occasional note at the first page) this book would be filled with small notes, arrows, circles and underlined words.
Vocabulary:
I. Ooze: to move or pass slowly through a small opening:The crowd oozed towards the entrance.
II. Protrude: to project a lot.
Her cheekbones protrude
III. Woozy: stupidly confused.
I walked down the avenue felling woozy, with the world sawing down my feet.
IV. Squint: to look with the eyes partially closed
The baby squinted it's eyes at the bright light.
V. Jostling: To be in close contact or proximity with. To push roughly.
They stumble out the door, jostling each other and laughing.
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